What does the son say to his mother? what should the child who is the second in her heart do?

The late gentleman said

The second disease of junior high school, the popular word on the Internet, "secondary two" means the second year of junior high school. As the name implies, "secondary illness" refers to the self-righteous thoughts, actions and values unique to adolescence. To put it simply, Secondary two disease is actually a state of mind that is eager to express oneself in order to gain the recognition of others. Just like the sense of powerlessness shown by the parents of children in the rebellious period, the children of the second year of junior high school also make their parents helpless and unable to understand. This issue of Psychological Weekly invites friends in the "Psychological Circle" and Zhou Nan, a psychology teacher at Nanjing Zhonghua Middle School, to talk about what the "second year" children are thinking.

Have you ever had a second-year moment like this?

Since my young master was promoted to the second year of junior high school, his exasperating kung fu has always made me feel like I'm going crazy. When I had dinner in the morning, I found that his new glasses had a thin crack and had been glued with transparent tape. I asked him, are your glasses broken again? He said calmly, "look carefully, it's white hair." Didn't you tell me that I should work harder and keep up with the students with good grades in my class? I grabbed a white hair at the top of our class, stuck it on my glasses, and looked at it as inspirational every day. With that, he walked away.

When he was not at home after work, he hurriedly "inspected" his QQ. After reading it, I was half angry. The young master said brazenly, "my mother always fantasizes about my study." I will be good or bad in the future. It is none of my mother's business to support me now. At the worst, my old-age mother will be better in the future. I was so angry on the spot!

Facing the empty classroom, Lin saluted first and then shouted "report!" Stand there upright. It feels like it's not an empty classroom, but there are countless pairs of eyes staring at his auditorium, waiting for him to make an important speech, where there should even be background music.

"teacher, why do you always print 'smoking is harmful to your health' on the cigarette shell? smokers don't care. Do you know what this kind of behavior is like? " "what?" "just like our usual summer homework, the word 'Happy Summer Holiday' is printed on it. When have we ever been happy with it?"

Don't rush to get the child back on track.

Zhou Nan, a psychology teacher at Zhonghua Middle School, said that in the process of teaching, the second year of junior high school reflected many types of students. The first type is like the dark system, obviously very naive, but package themselves as vicious; the second type is the subculture students, reflected in the distinctive minority groups, such as fan comics, cosplay and so on. The third type is obsessive self-confidence, fantasizing that they have some kind of superpower, and they have some potential in their hearts, but they have not been inspired so far. Children of this age will behave ridiculously and childishly in order to attract the attention of teachers, classmates and parents.

"Why is it called Secondary two? In fact, it is the second year of junior high school, many comic literature works are set with high school or junior high school students as the background, there will be a lot of exaggerated scenes or behavior, children will be affected after reading it. " Teacher Zhou said that the phenomenon of "Secondary two" is not uncommon. After a student fell asleep in class and was woken up, he said, "I just started the self-repair program." Some parents think that their children have been well-behaved recently and turned off the lights and went to bed early. in fact, in the process of getting in touch with the students, they found that they did not sleep, but "let themselves fly" in the dark, fantasizing that they would become superpowers.

"these behaviors are actually what they think is a process of accumulating energy, a very childish process that adults cannot understand." Teacher Zhou said that the so-called "secondary two diseases" is not a disease, but is caused by the magnifying glass of self-awareness at their age. "in junior high school, children's self-awareness began to sprout, hoping that they would have characteristics and advantages such as wisdom, kindness, ability and maturity. In Eriksson's eight-stage theory of personality development, adolescent children belong to the "conflict between self-identity and role confusion". They want to establish a new sense of identity or their own image in the eyes of others, as well as their emotional position in the social collective. The crisis at this stage is role confusion. "what kind of person do I belong to?" for children of this age, it is difficult to grasp. He may have some rather exaggerated positioning, which is also a psychological factor in 'Secondary two'. After this stage, when his self-consciousness really matures, the phenomenon of 'Secondary two' will disappear. "

How to get along with the children in the second year of secondary school? Teacher Zhou said that parents first try to understand the behavior and preferences of children who can't understand, walk with him for a while, and then slowly bring him back instead of pulling him back directly. In fact, secondary two children's self-confidence and even the belief that they are "super-capable" may enable him to have a stronger heart than others in the face of learning pressure.

In addition, the family environment is also an important factor affecting children. Children's criteria for judging whether things are good or bad often come from the influence of family world outlook and values. It is always right for parents to study more and ask their children to examine their emotions and behavior at the same time.

Watch the tips of the circle friends in "Psychological Circle".

The Psychological Weekly of the Yangzi Evening News set up a "psychological circle" QQ group last week. The children of the circle friend "Xiaoju in the Rain" have already gone to college. When they talk about "Secondary two", they are full of feelings, and the scene of fighting wits and bravery with the children seems to be yesterday. "Battle" has a lot of experience and she has opened a parent psychological adjustment menu:

At this stage, children have entered the development of adolescence, their appearance is more inclined to adults, their thinking is more independent and individual, and they have a rebellious psychology. at this time, children particularly resent their parents because they still regard them as children and still talk to them in a didactic tone. They hope that their parents can talk to him on an equal footing and treat them as adults. They even want their parents to listen more to their advice, so as to reflect their requirements of adulthood and integration into the adult world.

Of course, I have to say that at this time, their minds are not fully mature, so many parents will be surprised to find that the good child in their eyes seems to have become a hedgehog overnight, acting sensationally and naive. At this time, many parents will worry about whether their children are bad or not, so they will discipline their children more strictly and more strictly, but the result is counterproductive.

For children who have committed secondary two diseases, the best way for parents is to let go and respect their ideas as long as the child does not make mistakes of principle.

As parents, we are all happy for our children to give and give. parents arbitrarily believe that children are also willing to accept their parents' giving and giving, but when children enter the second year of junior high school, what they need more is sharing. Believe that their own children, for the major right and wrong, they still have a basic judgment, as for some small mistakes, some growing up pain always needs the child to experience.

Source | Wang Rui, reporter of Yangzi Evening News

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